That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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