Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
foreskin is a definite game changer
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
