Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
