You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
