Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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