It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You can't just leave with hair like that
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
