i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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