I think scott just propositioned me for sex
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
