You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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