I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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