At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
