I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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