My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize