I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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