i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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