So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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