Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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