Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Come back. Shots need mouths.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
