There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
