went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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