jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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