When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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