it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
