Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
