the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i was born a porn star she said
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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