How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize