I puked a lego.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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