When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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