What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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