who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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