i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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