You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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