So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
