What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
