i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
