my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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