We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
