apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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