I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
