I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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