Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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