I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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