as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
