I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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