playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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