so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
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Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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