Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
A bitchslap is in order.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
