Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
