first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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