So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
