just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
