I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
