All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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