Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he was CRYING into my vagina
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
