Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
