remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
